I am a hawk.
Others are peacock, owl or dove.
That’s what CYA LEAP had for us this afternoon. Kuya Paolo talked about different personality tendencies that would help in maximizing human resource and in minimizing potential conflicts.
I am just so happy because the Lord affirmed my decision to “make buno.” And by “making buno,” I mean to endure the awkwardness and discomfort of going out of your comfort zone.
Earlier this afternoon, I poured my heart out in a blog entry about the irritating and uncomfortable effort by which I had to adjust. I could have been okay in Phi. Or in medicine. Or in my not-so-holy life.
But God has other plans for me. So I have to follow. I want to follow.
What happened during LEAP was amazing. I really appreciated the insights which I could summarize through the following points:
1. Awareness. Be aware of your tendencies.
2. Acceptance. Accept your personality and that of others.
3. Adjustment. Adjust. If you can and you know how to, be the one to adjust. It’s better that way. A sis in Phi, Dr. Girlie Teotico-Ching, also told me the same message. It is better for you to adjust if you can, if you know how, with the person who needs adjusting to.
The first two points are a requisite for the third. But I think the third point, Adjustment, is the most important.
Before CYA, I had a serious conflict with someone where I felt I was the one who adjusted big time. As in big time. Dr. Girlie supported my decision, and she told me golden lesson #3: adjustment. All the while when I was adjusting, I was screaming “unfair” at the top of my imaginary emotional lungs. I felt I was the one being underhanded, being screwed up by someone who had the skill of shrugging off problems that should be solved by the both of us.
Looking back, the Lord revealed to me that I did the right thing, even if I felt strongly against it.
Similar situations where I am doing the Lord’s will and strongly feeling against it (the nonexistent love life), or is very unsure about it (other life areas), crop up today. Giving up the love life to anchor myself deeply in the Lord, joining CYA, being in CYA, immersing myself in CYA whenever my schedule permits it to bond with brothers and sisters (this time conscious about taking care of my Phi relationships), academic requirements where I am scolded by my adviser, et cetera. Et cetera. Et cetera.
And I find myself complaining to God again. Whining it’s unfair to be in these situations. Unfair that I am adjusting when I could have been comfortable not adjusting, especially when I have Medicine to deal with. I seriously think like a kid sometimes, it’s disturbing! God may think so. After all, I asked for these wonderful and loving changes.
I remember how the Israelites are in Exodus. They complain so badly that it takes them 40 years to reach a land that could have been reached much earlier if they only followed the will of the Lord. Then the Lord strikes them and they turn into stone. Scary.
I am grateful God is patient with me. He constantly makes ways for me to see His insights, to see His will in my everyday life. He reminds me of His promises, that He leads His people away from Egypt and into the promised land. He is patient with me because He knows that I find it hard to completely surrender to Him.
The Lord takes His time. His timing is always, always perfect. He is concerned about who I become in my journey of faith with Him. And if adjustment is what it takes, then through Jesus Christ, I can and will adjust.
“Can I not do with you what this potter does? As clay in the potter’s hand so are you in my hands.” -Jeremiah 18:6
“Finally, everything is for your good, so that grace will come more abundantly upon you, and great will be the thanksgiving for the glory of God.” -Romans 8:28
“So strive with greatest determination and increase your faith with strength, strength with knowledge, knowledge with moderation, moderation with constancy, constancy with piety, piety with fraternal love, fraternal love with charity. If all these riches are in you so as to abound in you, you will not be idle and useless; you will rather be rooted in the knowledge of Jesus Christ our Lord. Therefore brothers and sisters, strive more and more to respond to the call of God who chose you. If you do so, you will never stumble.” -2 Peter 1: 5-8, 10
Thank you Lord for your love. Thank you for CYA, for Phi, for my family, for my education, for my friends, for the many blessings you have showered upon me. Most of all, thank you for the grace of having you as my God, for the grace of being your witness and your child.