I am in transition.
There are a lot of changes as I enter this new chapter of my life:
- A new job (Pediatrics residency)
- A new set of people to work with
- A new environment with a familiar culture
- A new condo unit with new roomies
- A new district in Ligaya (a Catholic community) *
- A new set of friendships to discover
- A new way of lifestyle, particularly in taking care of my health (I have TB, ongoing treatment)
And, most importantly, a stronger and refreshed Gela whose identity in the Lord has been renewed after undergoing a formidable challenge.
In a lot of ways this feels like an early New Year for me. The kind when I look forward to a future brimming with hope and suffused with dreams. And, inevitably, I look back to the recent past that is pockmarked by hurts here and there, and mistakes that, if given another chance, I would best think twice before doing.
Buti nalang may Diyos na mapagpatawad, kahit hirap ako dun. (It’s a good thing the Lord is forgiving, despite my struggle in that area.)
Truth is, as I look back, instead of inwardly punishing myself like before, I am now more hopeful. More hopeful that I change for the better. I am trying to change for the better. And by changing for the better I mean:
- Learning to receive and live the love that I have come to know in depth because of the Lord
- Learning to love myself more by being rooted in God’s identity for me
- Taking good care of the relationships God has given me and will give me (this is one of the most important!)
- Being a good and kind friend to myself and to others
- Showing my family how much I love them
- Accepting my weaknesses and limitations, repent of my sins
- Accepting the realities of life that sometimes, what we hoped for wouldn’t turn out the way we expected it to be
- Accepting the reality that good friendships can be lost, and in the hopelessness of trying to reconcile again, just surrender it to God (this is why bullet #3 is important)
- Forgiving and letting go. That way I am doing myself a big favor by allowing more room for love.
- New goals for myself! I am very inspired to be accepted in my top (and only) choice for residency training. I am aiming for research, acing exams, honing my communication skills and being a compassionate Pediatrician
- I am hopeful for my renewed desire to commit to Ligaya and further investigate its way of life
- To train my eyes to see the good in people and in circumstances (and thank the Lord for them)
Overall, the goal is to continue having a heart being transformed by God into the woman I am made to be in whatever role I currently take on.
One night as I lay in bed, I counted these new changes and felt overwhelmed. I was on the verge of crying. Not tears of joy, but of anxiety. In my mind I saw myself jumping off a cliff’s edge, trusting I would land on solid ground that I did not see. It was scary.
But thanks to the grace of being able to stand in the strength of the Lord. These changes are for my good. They are His best plans. Though I do not yet see the whole map, I am willing to take the first few steps to wherever these changes are leading me. That entails having the Lord as my sole source of stability and strength.
Here’s to pulling myself up by the bootstraps!
I pray for spiritual and emotional maturity. Please pray for me. 🙂
*A good friend told me these changes are not sure yet. But, I am including it just because it is a potential change.